A long time ago, I entertained friends from a country most would agree allows no freedom. 

When they came to this country to study, they had a warped idea of what freedom means. Most of them got into trouble with alcohol, drugs, women, and the law. One suffered culture shock so severe that catatonia with foaming at the mouth struck - and did not dissipate until returned to his homeland whereby it magically evaporated. 

I cared about my friends - as I do all people - so I thought long and hard about how to explain to them that freedom does not mean free to do whatever you want. My friends could attest that being forced to obey is not freedom, either. Foreigners from restricted lands are not the only abusers of freedom, but they are the ones that made me think.

Somewhere, in the vast swath between wild and controlled lies the sweet spot called freedom that ebbs and flows like pleasant waves on a sunny day.

Freedom exists when we choose to avoid extremes like:

• too little diversity and too much diversity
• too few and too many
• too strong and too weak
• too passive and too aggressive
• too secretive and too open
• too critical and too agreeable
• too lazy and too hardworking
• too mindless and too mindful
• too heartless and too heartfelt
• ...

Freedom exists when we choose to moderate our own behaviors and attitudes so that no harm is done to any person, place, or thing.

Freedom exists when we choose to obey laws that make sense to an honest, fair, and peaceful society.

Freedom exists when we choose to negotiate our wants and needs honestly, fairly, and peacefully.

Freedom exists when we choose to keep our homes, offices, and bodies cleaned and maintained on a personal and global level, whether we rent, borrow, or own.

Freedom disappears when the sweet spot loses its pleasing waves and rises like a tsunami or stills like a swamp.

Freedom fades when people give up on being free.

What true anarchists want, ultimately, is a populace that chooses to be honest, fair, and decent so that there is no need for authoritarians, complex laws, or wasteful, energy-draining, broken institutions. 

Let us join together and choose freedom for one and all, in all ways, for all time.

This is my prayer.

Today's entry was motivated by a PsychCentral article on loneliness and, particularly in America, the death of platonic hand-holding between adults. That article is now gone, and I have to wonder if it touched a collective sore spot. If it did, all the more reason to talk about the problem.

​I’ve depth and breadth of experience in the loneliness parade of one. Therefore I will say what most will not.

One of the key factors contributing to the legit continuation of loneliness has to do with the toxic behaviors that first swamped governments before bleeding into every crack and fissure of our lives.

Once upon a time, a touch was innocent and pure, as was a need fulfilled. Today, touch and service have become sexualized. Sexualization is what the weak and valueless use to gain a false sense of power and control.

With two exceptions, I have not known touch as an adult that was not about sex or control. As a bodywork professional, touch is only about healing. But in my personal life, touch has never felt healthy or innocent. Flashback style and decades later, I still feel the confusion from the hand-holding by a female friend. I didn’t stick around for the end of confusion because I already knew what the likely answer would be, and I didn’t want it.

I wanted the pureness of healthy intimacy that comes from both touch and frequency that has nothing to do with power or control. I don’t think this purity exists anymore. And that is exactly why we need to make it happen if we want to end the loneliness epidemic that is far more deadly than this corona pandemic.

I don’t claim to know how to make it happen, but I have had enough experience with the toxic to know that you must be both assertive to the point of blunt and also clear and tough as bulletproof glass.

We must hug - and show in every hug that it is about love and connection between friends, neighbors, and guests - and nothing more.

We must hold hands in public - and show with every swing of the arms that it is about love and connection between friends - and nothing more.

​We must reciprocate and initiate equally and frequently - and be clear as a pavlovian bell that it is about love and connection between decent human beings - and nothing more.

Fight loneliness by being brave and blunt on all fronts. Beat back all attempts at power and control, especially through sexualization, as if your life depends on it - because the quality of all our lives does depend on it.