​Those who truly know me would never accuse me of being narcissistic. And yet, … I have had my moments. 

When I felt alone in the pain of extreme unfairness, I let myself be guided by well-meaning others into blaming my primary caregivers. But when I learned that I was not only alone, but in vast company, I let go of blame and started seeking understanding through the sometimes harsh light of truth. 

When I found myself unemployed along with millions of others at the start of this pandemic, I started to act like an entitled victim when I couldn’t get a job despite being broadly and highly competent. Yet I knew it was inappropriate to lay blame even as I did so.

We all have moments where we slip and fall and don’t react like an accountable adult. Yet there are those who spend their lives feeling special and entitled while bitterly blaming others for all that has been denied them. 

Whether we are immature adults part-time or full-time, each and every one of us is responsible for elevating ourselves into maturity. Our world is in great need of every adult doing their part.

I can think of no better spokesperson for self-maturity than Dr. Ramani, who manages to balance truth with vulnerability and courage in a way that can potentially move the mountain that is the suffering we have, all of us, brought upon ourselves. Life is challenging enough, let us not add unnecessary suffering to it.

Let us be good-natured and steadfast in the face of unfairness and adversity for it is the only path to freedom for one and all.

I am wind.
My wind cleanses.
My wind refreshes.
My wind topples the weak.
Wind despises stagnation.
Wind is not loud nor visible. 
Wind is not judgmental but responsive.
I am wind.

I woke up, finally, to the painful reality that most of humankind is rather batshit crazy.

My odd awakenings usually follow a desperate search across the Internet for any and all articles that reveal if anyone else sees what I see, feels what I feel, knows what I know. When I inquired if anyone else has realized that humanity is insane, I was both saddened and relieved to find fellow wakened sufferers. The worst suffering is when you see what you love, dying through self-sabotage.

My favorite article is this one, aptly titled, "Are We Humans Terminally Insane or Just Waking Up?"

Yet the above article is like all the others - lots of complaint and observation, but no concrete answers. 

There is only one way out of the craziness that we've allowed into our world, and it is for each of us to take personal responsibility to set and keep an honorable intention, every day, as if our lives depended on it. This intention requires no fealty to any given religion, culture, or philosophy. It only requires complete, nonviolent commitment to self to Action, Clarity, and Truth.

​I’m not the greatest navigator on the sea of life. I joke that my tombstone should say, “She got into a lot of scrapes.”

Nothing wrong with scrapes, just as there’s nothing wrong with mistakes: It’s how we learn. Yet I clearly wasn’t learning because my scrapes were increasing, not decreasing. From my point of view, I was always doing my honest best and had the courage of curiosity. These are good things, but clearly I was missing something.

​Then it struck me that I am also historically impatient and struggle with mental vision to the point of declaring myself lacking in imagination. This combination of blind impatience was likely the root of the resultant scrapes of my many, open-minded (no regret) adventures. 

You think romantic love is blind? Try impatience. Add courage and you have a bold blind person leaping without looking, leading to a lifetime of scrapes.

I began to wonder what else might cause mental blindness…

A long time ago, I entertained friends from a country most would agree allows no freedom. 

When they came to this country to study, they had a warped idea of what freedom means. Most of them got into trouble with alcohol, drugs, women, and the law. One suffered culture shock so severe that catatonia with foaming at the mouth struck - and did not dissipate until returned to his homeland whereby it magically evaporated. 

I cared about my friends - as I do all people - so I thought long and hard about how to explain to them that freedom does not mean free to do whatever you want. My friends could attest that being forced to obey is not freedom, either. Foreigners from restricted lands are not the only abusers of freedom, but they are the ones that made me think.

Somewhere, in the vast swath between wild and controlled lies the sweet spot called freedom that ebbs and flows like pleasant waves on a sunny day.

Freedom exists when we choose to avoid extremes like:

• too little diversity and too much diversity
• too few and too many
• too strong and too weak
• too passive and too aggressive
• too secretive and too open
• too critical and too agreeable
• too lazy and too hardworking
• too mindless and too mindful
• too heartless and too heartfelt
• ...

Freedom exists when we choose to moderate our own behaviors and attitudes so that no harm is done to any person, place, or thing.

Freedom exists when we choose to obey laws that make sense to an honest, fair, and peaceful society.

Freedom exists when we choose to negotiate our wants and needs honestly, fairly, and peacefully.

Freedom exists when we choose to keep our homes, offices, and bodies cleaned and maintained on a personal and global level, whether we rent, borrow, or own.

Freedom disappears when the sweet spot loses its pleasing waves and rises like a tsunami or stills like a swamp.

Freedom fades when people give up on being free.

What true anarchists want, ultimately, is a populace that chooses to be honest, fair, and decent so that there is no need for authoritarians, complex laws, or wasteful, energy-draining, broken institutions. 

Let us join together and choose freedom for one and all, in all ways, for all time.

This is my prayer.

Today's entry was motivated by a PsychCentral article on loneliness and, particularly in America, the death of platonic hand-holding between adults. That article is now gone, and I have to wonder if it touched a collective sore spot. If it did, all the more reason to talk about the problem.

​I’ve depth and breadth of experience in the loneliness parade of one. Therefore I will say what most will not.

One of the key factors contributing to the legit continuation of loneliness has to do with the toxic behaviors that first swamped governments before bleeding into every crack and fissure of our lives.

Once upon a time, a touch was innocent and pure, as was a need fulfilled. Today, touch and service have become sexualized. Sexualization is what the weak and valueless use to gain a false sense of power and control.

With two exceptions, I have not known touch as an adult that was not about sex or control. As a bodywork professional, touch is only about healing. But in my personal life, touch has never felt healthy or innocent. Flashback style and decades later, I still feel the confusion from the hand-holding by a female friend. I didn’t stick around for the end of confusion because I already knew what the likely answer would be, and I didn’t want it.

I wanted the pureness of healthy intimacy that comes from both touch and frequency that has nothing to do with power or control. I don’t think this purity exists anymore. And that is exactly why we need to make it happen if we want to end the loneliness epidemic that is far more deadly than this corona pandemic.

I don’t claim to know how to make it happen, but I have had enough experience with the toxic to know that you must be both assertive to the point of blunt and also clear and tough as bulletproof glass.

We must hug - and show in every hug that it is about love and connection between friends, neighbors, and guests - and nothing more.

We must hold hands in public - and show with every swing of the arms that it is about love and connection between friends - and nothing more.

​We must reciprocate and initiate equally and frequently - and be clear as a pavlovian bell that it is about love and connection between decent human beings - and nothing more.

Fight loneliness by being brave and blunt on all fronts. Beat back all attempts at power and control, especially through sexualization, as if your life depends on it - because the quality of all our lives does depend on it.

If there must be obligations in life
And there must
Then let’s be obligated
To tackle the problems before us
With good cheer. 
We’d have fun
And improve our lot
​At the same time.

Assuming you do what you like and do it respectfully … 

If you like to show affection, you are a healer.
If you like to be trustworthy, you are a healer.
​If you like to beautify eyesores, you are a healer.
If you like to embrace diversity, you are a healer.
If you like to clothe those in need, you are a healer.
If you like to grow food for others, you are a healer.
If you like to clean that which is dirty, you are a healer.
If you like to prepare meals for others, you are a healer.
If you like to create order out of chaos, you are a healer.
If you like to repair that which is broken, you are a healer.
If you like to keep the ground free of litter, you are a healer.
If you like to teach people who want to learn, you are a healer.
If you like to encourage others to meet their potential, you are a healer.
If you like to let people know where they stand with you, you are a healer.
If you like to ease people’s minds without resorting to the lie, you are a healer.
If you like to treat miscreants of all ages with dignity and respect, you are a healer.
If you like to offer help when someone is struggling, and respect a no if you get it, you are a healer.
I you like to raise children to be respectful, self-sufficient, well-rounded, helpful, and resilient, you are a healer.
If you like to control yourself to avoid extremes, you are not only a healer, but also a lover of freedom - and you are needed in this world.