Becoming Better by Curing Refrigerator Blindness

Image Credit: Peggy Marco via Pixabay

Most people have experienced or witnessed refrigerator blindness. It happens when you cannot see what is right in front of you.

Refrigerator blindness happens even when no refrigerators are around.
It can happen on a mental, emotional, or physical level. 
It is a problem that needs addressing - is begging to be addressed.

Today, is about how prevalent and dangerous this particular blindness problem is.
​Today's morning ramble is about root-level correction of the problem - as I see it.

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We do it all the time when we claim to be aware of life's problems, but we keep living our lives normal. A long-term example is turning a blind eye to racism, sexism, and other isms. Worse, we declare this state of blind inaction as normal and carry on as before. Because, "People will be people."

I've lived and analyzed many experiences of this phenomena.
Mine exists mostly on the emotional trauma plane.
I set an intention to find out the truth of it, refusing to let go of it.

Let go, everyone says. Learn to let go.
The let go advice never sat well with me.
Better to let go only until better situated to deal with the problem.

The let-go mantra can also traumatize.
It creates a feeling that one will never heal.
It is a feeling that often never goes away.
My failure to let go resulted in feelings of failure followed by shame.
Letting go doesn't heal deep wounds, but it can cause new ones.

Trauma healing requires time and a balance of gentle peace (a sense of safety) and action!
Action becomes the medicine.
Tailor this medicine and the dosage to the specific individual, for as long as needed.
Ie. "Let go and let God + God helps those who help themselves + Time = Healing."

What I needed was the ability to see what was right in front of me all along.
I was suffering from refrigerator blindness - and no one saw it.
I needed clarity of mental and emotional sight.
Clarity comes from a relaxed body, eyes, and mind - and courage.
Relaxed courage creates internal peace.
Internal peace provides the space needed to adjust all the dials.
Distance dials are needed at every level to help bring things into focus.
Have you ever had your eyeball so close to something all you could see was blur?
We need practice developing our mental-emotional focusing skill.
Not too close. Not to distant. Not too wide. Not too narrow.

Our focusing dials need truth to work.
I needed to be told the truth.
I needed to feel the truth.
I needed to accept the truth.
I did not need to be told to feel my feelings week after week. My feelings were already in ICU.

No truth comes without a dark underbelly. That's because no truth exists without both sides of its dual nature considered and seen.

No wonder we are getting better at being blind and feeling anxious. We hear over and over messages of willful blindness. Be positive! Negative emotions are wrong! Speaking up about dangers or problems is rocking the boat! Don't rock the wayward boat! Then add the worst advice ever: Kill the ego!

We need a well-educated, well-honed ego to be there for us when we need to take right action. Break the inertia. Keep the momentum going. Don't kill the ego, train it. The ego might be the energy that straightens our spine and gives us the courage to stand up to the wrongs in the world.

I needed a courageous ego to finally accept a most painful truth of my life. I needed to get to the actual truth in order for my mind and heart to find healing. An ugly, painful truth. Truths by their nature are inconvenient at best.

I saw the superficial symptoms of the truth, not the truth.
I knew my mistreatment well.
I took responsibility for their mistreatment.
I must have done something to deserve it.
I had to take these positions because I know blame to be both ineffective and degrading.

Women, in particular, hear blame from society.
She must have done something to deserve it.
Her mother, brother, family, friends would never be so cruel.
She must be lying.
It couldn't be true.
It's too dark to be true.

Hate is dark.
Hate is real.
Hate is cruel.
Hate is destructive.
Hate alters DNA.
Hate destroys families and civilizations.

We must stop being blind to the negative health effects of hate in action on a personal and societal level. We must become aware when we are suffering from refrigerator blindness.

I know, now, that my pain did not come only from lack of love.
Good little girl me and well-meaning therapists alike avoided the ugly truth.
My pain came from irrational, psychopathic hate.

The kind of hate too many leaders, high and low, in every institution, in too many places, are teaching people to do. Hate the liberal left. Hate the conservative right. Hate socialists. Hate atheists. Hate those whose work ethic doesn't match ours. Hate the entire population of another country because of their government's atrocious actions. Yet, ignore the atrocious actions of our own governments and institutions.

Hate rhetoric is as poisonous as mercury. Mercury is the most toxic substance on Earth according to the World Health Organization (WHO.)

Hate is an emotion that anyone can feel - the emotion is not the problem.
It is what we do with our emotions that matters.
Feeling hate is not an excuse to harass others in any way.
Harassment is a hate crime.

Hate isn't restricted to race, color, sex, or creed.
Some people hate without due cause, just because they like the feeling of power hate gives them.

We need more than the current, narrow-focused hate laws.
We need to stop creating separate laws for hyper specific situations.
Acting out on one's hate must be a crime against humanity.

Math taught me that life is filled with problems that it takes skills to solve.
Math taught me that life is filled with transactions that beg to be balanced.
My stab at solving the hate problem looks like this:

(Chronic, hate-based harassment at home
+
Office politics and harassment at work
=
Overwhelm
= 
Attempted murder of the heart, mind, and spirit.)
and
(Inside the victim of attempted internalized murder
=
Chronic health problems, depression, and anxiety.)

The scientific evidence is rolling in from multiple disciplines.

We need a new, global law that fines, re-educates, and limits any hate in action.

We need hate doctors. Doctors well-versed in trauma care. There must be no shame in going to a doctor for help with one's own feelings of hate. Hate doctors to help us all become contributing members of society. Hate laws to help create a sense of safety.

We may be more modern than ever before, but we are less free. The one thing we all need to be free from is hate in action. From there, I suspect we will finally bloom in full, spectacular diversity.